Pacific Anomaly
The following is a legend. A legend details a series of events we believe have happened or will happen in at least one timeline, perhaps even our own, but does not necessarily reflect true or accurate events. It is presented more as a story than as an encyclopedic entry. A third-person perspective is used.
This legend was originally recorded in March 2025, and may not reflect revelations discovered since then.
Shortly after 7:00pm, 4 April, 202X due to then-unknown reasons a cataclysmic series of tsunamis originating from deep in the Pacific Ocean has caused catastrophic damage to innumerable coasts from Tokyo to Los Angeles. Approximately 13 aircraft carriers and thousands of fishing vessels have gone missing.
By 11:00am, 5 April the JSDF, US Navy, Chinese PLA, and International Deep Ocean Research Institute independently confirmed the sudden disappearance of over 30 atolls in the Pacific. Most notable was the Great Maw Bank, a heart-shaped atoll and formerly the largest in the world with a width of 180 km at its widest point. Great Maw has been seemingly replaced overnight with a new geologic formation, a circular trench approximately 200 km in diameter. Researchers so far have not reliably measured its depth, though one dubious report claims it is "hundreds of kilometers" deep. Seismic analysis has confirmed Great Maw was the epicenter of the tsunami waves. Science suggests unprecedented volcanic activity.
We will keep you informed as the situation develops.
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[11:51 am] Satellite imagery suggests the vessels researching the Great Maw are undamaged, but all contact with all crew members has been lost. An EMP is the hopeful cause of interrupted comms.
[1:21 pm] Satellite imagery depicted a white light originating from the Maw, before a colossal stark-white entity emerged. Unclassified footage suggests it is an immense submersible of some kind. I repeat, an unidentified submersible has emerged from the newly formed trench. This vehicle is several times the size of the largest ships man has ever constructed. As of yet it has not attacked the nearby ships. We can only hope its intentions are peaceful.
[1:23 pm] The US military has declared it is ready for a nuclear strike "if the creature is hostile."
[1:25 pm] Reports are confirming the entity appears to be biological in nature.
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[2:42 pm] The JSDF has classified the single sperm cell to breach as a "kaiju." The US military confirms it can survive nuclear detonations unscathed.
[2:59 pm] WARNING. Several governments have confirmed: Coming into contact with water that has touched the "Whopper," or gazing directly upon it, is extremely hazardous. Doing so __will__ result in decreased cognition, hallucinations, extremely increased libido, permanent spontaneous bodily transformation potentially involving a sex change, and extreme recklessness that may result in death.
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[5:17 pm] After an emergency meeting, the United Nations has officially recognized the genitalia of [REDACTED] as an existential threat capable of planetary annihilation. The US and Chinese militaries are leading two separate internationally coordinated assaults against what social media has dubbed the "Godsperm Army."
[5:20 pm] WARNING. Please do not refer to the annihilation threat by birth name. Doing so is extremely hazardous, as anyone who reads or hears the name may become "Whopped."
[5:23 pm] All or nearly all "Whopped" individuals test positive for pregnancy.
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[3:07 am] WARNING. The defectors of humanity now call themselves the "Harem of God." Each can be identified by her tall stature, inhumanly shapely hips, inhumanly large breasts, inhumanly prominent lips, rotund "pregnant" belly and—most tellingly—the pink heart-shaped pupils in her eyes. WARNING. Avoid contact at all cost. They are aggressive and capable of rapid regeneration. Gunfire is known to be ineffective. Be especially wary of the fist-sized "Godsperm" known to launch from their mouths. WARNING.
[4:21 am] Seismologic testing has confirmed the planet's core is filled with hundreds of millions more Kaiju-class Godsperm. We are doomed.
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[7:00 am] Good morning cuties~!! Today the Four Ginger Genies of the Apocalypse were able to confirm God is now fucking Mars!! Isn't that ssoooo hot!?! Be sure to praise God and practice your deepthroating techniques so we'll be visited again!! Up next is a report of the thousands of martyrs who sacrificed themselves at Great Maw to transform it into a colossal pair of eldritch lips for God to fuck!! Our heroes!!! ♥ Later, we have a special on how to best care for and worship your local Godsperm!!